Reality...

Too bad I have not blogged in a while. Also too bad I did not blog more often while traveling and while being abroad. For now this is the last blog...

During my last week in Buenos Aires I wrote some things, which I am going to post below. Now that I am back, life is almost surreal. Surreal in the sense that it feels as if I never left. Just two weeks ago I was sitting in my small Argentine room on my small bed talking to my friends who had already gone home...dreading the next move: back to reality. back to responsibility. back to studying. back to a job. back to life. The vacation is over.

Being back really is not that bad. I think the worst part is now just wanting to get out of here, wanting to explore more. There is so much of this world I want to see and I want to see it now. But I have a year and a half of school and that needs to be completed first. Being abroad for six months only wet my appetite. I can't wait to get out and get away from American ideals and culture. Maybe that is part of reverse culture shock which I did not think I would experience, but alas, here it is!

Before I left I wrote:

I am going to miss the catcalls. I am going to miss enjoying my tea for over an hour, because it’s a social thing. I am going to miss getting my café con leche in a tiny little mug. I am going to miss living in a little apartment filled with beautiful artwork. I am going to miss speaking Spanish everyday and hearing the lovely Argentine accent. I am going to miss the family dog which never makes a sound, no matter how excited. I am going to miss going out at midnight and coming home when the sun is awake. I am going to miss strange conversations with taxi drivers. I am not going to miss ham. I am going to miss being called “divina” every day no matter how hungover I look. I am going to miss my host siblings, that always tease me for my lifestyle. I am going to miss taking the overfilled, stuffy, bus. I am going to miss alfajores. I am going to hearing the wise sayings of my host grandma. (“Goodnight, and have sweet dreams, not of the boys you already know, but of the men you will meet.”) I am going to miss my host mother more than words could ever explain. I am going to miss the honesty of the porteños. I am going to miss dogwalkers with their 15 dogs all at once. I am going to miss having to constantly watch my step because of what the dogs leave behind on the sidewalk. I am going to miss ferias. I am going to miss artesenias. I am going to miss strange men proclaiming their undying love to me before I speak a word. I am going to miss the amazing architecture surrounded by green trees. I am going to miss the tranquility embedded in locura. I am going to miss the culture. I am going to miss the adventure I find from everyday. I am going to miss the boliches. I am going to miss the Argentine swank. I am going miss hearing “cito” added on to most words, making things sound little and cute. I am going to miss awkward moments. I am going to miss my life and the person that I was while abroad.

In my last week in BA, I was in between worlds. All my friends had left and I was eagerly awaiting yet dreading the trip home. I knew it had to be done and my time in BA had come a temporary halt. This made the last week pretty tough. Nobody really understands what you are going through and they can only try to sympathize. Having an environment that you are completely happy with and having to leave, not know when or if you will return makes it very difficult. I was lucky enough to have the best host family and they really became so much more than that.

The experiences I have had have been amazing. I have learned so much about myself and life and culture and just learned in general.

Argentines:

They are honest. If they think something in their mind, they don’t think again before saying it out loud. That’s why men will tell you are “divina” as you walk by them. This isn’t them necessarily hitting on you, they don’t want to take you on a date. They want to tell you what they are thinking. If your aunt thinks you’re outfit does not look good or that you look fatter today, she will tell you. They don’t go out of their way for you. They wont move on the bus to the window so that you can have the aisle seat. They are selfish. They are loving, affectionate. They are beautiful.

Patricia showed me a poem that I want to always remember and share. Below is the translation. This poem is amazing and she showed it to me right before my trip and right before my best friend was leaving to go home to the states. The journey is within you.

Ithaca

When you set out for Ithaka
ask that your way be long,
full of adventure, full of instruction.
The Laistrygonians and the Cyclops,
angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
such as these you will never find
as long as your thought is lofty, as long as a rare
emotion touch your spirit and your body.
The Laistrygonians and the Cyclops,
angry Poseidon - you will not meet them
unless you carry them in your soul,
unless your soul raise them up before you.

Ask that your way be long.
At many a Summer dawn to enter
with what gratitude, what joy -
ports seen for the first time;
to stop at Phoenician trading centres,
and to buy good merchandise,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensuous perfumes of every kind,
sensuous perfumes as lavishly as you can;
to visit many Egyptian cities,
to gather stores of knowledge from the learned.

Have Ithaka always in your mind.
Your arrival there is what you are destined for.
But don't in the least hurry the journey.
Better it last for years,
so that when you reach the island you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to give you wealth.
Ithaka gave you a splendid journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She hasn't anything else to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka hasn't deceived you.
So wise you have become, of such experience,
that already you'll have understood what these Ithakas mean.

---Constantine P Cavafy

I also want to post a poem by Jorge Luis Borges, this might be one to live by.

Instantes (Instants)

If I were able to live my life anew,
In the next I would try to commit more errors.
I would not try to be so perfect, I would relax more.
I would be more foolish than I've been,
In fact, I would take few things seriously.
I would be less hygienic.
I would run more risks,
take more vacations,
contemplate more sunsets,
climb more mountains, swim more rivers.
I would go to more places where I've never been,
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans,
I would have more real problems and less imaginary ones.

I was one of those people that lived sensibly
and prolifically each minute of his life;
Of course I had moments of happiness.
If I could go back I would try
to have only good moments.

Because if you didn't know, of that is life made:
only of moments; Don't lose the now.

I was one of those that never
went anywhere without a thermometer,
a hot-water bottle,
an umbrella, and a parachute;
If I could live again, I would travel lighter.

If I could live again,
I would begin to walk barefoot from the beginning of spring
and I would continue barefoot until autumn ends.
I would take more cart rides,
contemplate more dawns,
and play with more children,
If I had another life ahead of me.

But already you see, I am 85,
and I know that I am dying.

---Jorge Luis Borges

Obviously they look a lot in translation, but the message is still beautiful.

Being abroad showed me that things do happen for a reason. The butterfly effect of each decision leads you down a certain path and to a certain truth.

I am glad I had the chance to find my truth. I could not have done it without the support of my family.

Thanks for reading...

Until next time.

Peace and love.